HARVEY'S LIFE (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

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Owning Things

It has officially been a year since I was notified that my job was being eliminated. During this year nothing good has been happening. The stock market's gone into the toilet, gas prices have soared as did the price of groceries.

I can remember, years ago, my former boss mocking the fact that I was renting an apartment instead of “owning “a home. He would actually come out of his office with an amortization book and show me, in front of everyone else in the front office, just how stupid I was.

Let's get something straight. You don't “own” a home until you have the deed in your hand and can declare that you have no more mortgage payments .Until that day you're just a renter, only you don't get the perks you get when you rent an apartment-Like the knowledge that when something breaks down, it's up to them, the landlords, to fix it. That was very satisfying to know when I was away from home on the road. If there was a problem while I was gone, all my wife would have to do was pick up the phone, make a quick call, and they would come and fix the problem with no extra charge to me. On the opposite end of this spectrum is the fact that when you “own” a home there isn't that security. Yes, you can paint and garden and other things at your delight. But what happens when everything shifts-when the breakdowns begin and you can't afford to fix them?

My 10-year-old son is having a mock election at school. He asked me who I was voting for. I was in a bad mood and said that I didn't think I was going to vote. The look on his face will forever be imbedded in my mind. He told me, “You have to vote, it's our duty.”

As I looked at him I knew he was absolutely right. It doesn't matter who you vote for, you just have to vote.

Even if we are having a hard time “owning” things, I encourage anyone reading this to leave your homes, no matter the weather or political affiliation, and vote, if for no other reason than doing it for our kids. Thanks to my son I will be one of the first in line on Election Day.

One day we had an impending snowstorm on the way. I decided to get some necessities from the grocery store. It was the middle of the day. Unfortunately I didn't realize it was Senior Citizen Discount Day. With the storm coming the octogenarians were out in force. It was like shopping with a casting call for The Golden Girls. I found what I needed and got in line to check-out. The unbelievably efficient fast-paced teens who normally manned the registers were in school, so there was a whole different team of cashiers and they worked at a whole different speed. The line I was in, which wasn't moving, happened to be in front of the automatic entry and exit doors. On this day the exit door was broken and while the repairman was working to fix it, the cold air was filling the front of the store. So much so, the cashiers were wearing coats and gloves.

While in line, “The Golden Girl” in front of me said, “It's cold in here. Did the storm do that?” Keep in mind that the storm hadn't hit and was still six to eight hours away. The cashier politely said “No, it's just broken.”

I knew this wasn't over. The woman looked away for a moment and then looked back at the cashier. I started to smile. The woman said again, “Did the storm do that?” Now I was really smiling. Suddenly I realized the cashier was looking at me in stunned disbelief at the woman's repeated question. I stopped smiling and deadpan asked “Did the storm do that?” The cashier lost it. Senior Citizen Discount Day is now my favorite day to shop.

I just spent two hours of my life at a 4th grade “Talent Show.” I use those two words loosely. I've found during my life that I've been challenged by many things.

Today I discovered a new challenge. I was conceptually challenged to accept that someone thought it would be a good idea to keep parents and friends stuck in a grade school auditorium not for 10 or 20 “Acts,” but for a grand total of 59! Yes, that's right, 59, and the “Acts” ranged from lip syncing, cheerleading, magic, and quite frankly, I don't know what else, because I had mentally checked out after the first 25. I'd seen my kid perform and didn't much care about anything else. I found myself mentally searching for the easiest way to extract myself from the situation, and then it happened. I'd survived all of the lip syncing and cheerleading and it came time for the kids to actually perform, whether vocally or instrumentally. This girl appeared on stage with a guitar. Something told me this wasn't going to be good. I was right. The girl sat down and strummed one chord over and over again for what seemed like a lifetime. I suddenly felt like I was going to black out.

Then I felt an elbow in my side. It was my wife attempting to get my attention. The girl had finished her monotonous strumming and was gone from the stage. The next “Act” was coming on and I swear to you my wife said, “Look, it's Danny.”

Now, what you have to understand is that it's hard enough for me to remember my own son's name, and I've been around him since his birth 9 years ago.

So, back to this Danny kid. I looked to the left, my wife noticed and elbowed me again. I should have obviously looked to the right so I did, desperately hoping I would be able to identify someone. My wife realized I had no clue. I know this because while looking to the right I could see that sideway flash of her eyes.

If you're a guy reading this you know the flash. If you're a woman reading this, you know what you're doing when you give the flash.

Anyway, my wife pointed to the stage. “Oh,” I said, and looked at the stage. The dilemma continued, because on the stage were three boys and I didn't recognize any of them.

All of a sudden it had become a shell game. Where's Danny? Because they started to move, changing positions in their formation. As the shell game continued I was transfixed. Which one is Danny?

There wasn't a chance in hell that I was going to ask or make eye contact with my wife again. I knew she had set me up and was well aware that I was clueless. Then the three unknown boys on stage were done.

My wife turned to me and said she thought that Danny was great. I said, “Are you kidding me? He was awesome.” We were at “Act” 29. I excused myself from the moment exercising my bathroom excuse and went to have a smoke. It was raining outside and I had to find somewhere to smoke outside the invisible barrier which is the school grounds. I found a spot in the driveway of a nearby home. So, as I was standing there, I began calculating what the odds were that once I went back into the auditorium the mindbender would be over.

For your future reference, if I ever offer you odds on anything, don't take the offer.

The latest dream is kind of a two for one deal. The basis of the dream was from something that, again, really happened in my life. The other part was added by my mind.

First we'll start with the real part.

When I was a kid my grandfather ran a State park. He and my grandmother lived at the park and we would go there for holidays and during the summer. It was great.

Across the road from their house was a long grove of trees. If I remember correctly they were a mixture of evergreen and pine trees. Years earlier they had been planted very close together, to create a natural wind break I assume.

Now they were very large and sturdy.

One day I walked across the road to the first tree in the line. I climbed underneath and looked up. It looked as if I could climb up, so I did. When I was about half way up I noticed that the branches from the next tree were overlapping the tree I was in, almost daring me to take the step from one tree to the next. I did it and continued walking my way along the grove moving from the limb of one tree to the next. I was walking on air.

I continued my journey from one end of the tree line to the other without ever touching the ground.

Now here's where the other part comes in. In my dream, on one of the trips across the branches, I looked down and there was my wife and kids looking up at me. They looked confused by what I was doing.

Obviously I wasn't a kid anymore.

Then there was a sound, as if the branch beginning to give way. I looked to the next tree to see if I could find a stronger branch to move to before I fell. While doing that I looked back down at my wife and kids and they were still staring at me.

They were silent; just watching.

Nothing was ever said during this time. As I continued to move from creaking branch to creaking branch I would look down to see them walk along below, silently watching me move through the trees.

Then I reached the point at the end of the grove. There was no where else to step. I looked down to find that my family had turned and was walking away. As I stood there on that final branch I looked back for my family, they were gone. Then I heard a sound. The branch had snapped.

That's when I woke up.